adolescence

Ohel Leah Synagogue

OLS: CONNECT

Kislev 5768 - December 2007 Hong Kong

ADOLESCENCE ANGST

OHEL LEAH AND THE CLUBHOUSE WORKING TOGETHER TO SUPPORT FAMILIES DURING THE TEENAGE YEARS

Text Box: “Live your life in the manner that you would like your kids to live theirs”, Michael Levine, ‘Lessons at the Halfway Point’ Adolescence is not easy for most children and parents. For some it can be a nightmare. Growing up in the Jewish community can be painful, discovering who you are may conflict with who you want to be. Trying to assert your independence whilst living in the family home can cause conflict.

youth writings

Text Box: Ensuring a regular dialogue and making everyone aware of your concerns early is important way in stopping a situation spiralling out of control. It is not easy in a world where parents work long hours or travel abroad regularly or for significant periods of time. For parents the most important step is to try and maintain a relationship with your teen no matter how difficult it may seem at times. Relationship building is crucial, not just with your son or daughter but with the school, synagogue, community and youth groups that they may be affiliated too.

Text Box: “It is not giving children more that spoils them, it is giving them more to avoid confrontation”, John Gray, ‘Children Are From Heaven’ Often parents confuse striving for a better quality of life with striving for a better quantity of life. Children, no matter how old, need their parents there to provide love, guidance and boundaries. The ability to buy the latest play station or X-Box becomes irrelevant if a child begins to kick out at life, or no longer is comfortable in their own skin. Other siblings can and will be affected by a brother or sister who is defiant, angry or even deviant in their behaviour. The may feel that they do not get the same attention any longer and that their needs are subsumed by the demands of their tormented sibling on parents struggling to understand or cope. “Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare”, Ed Asner Teenagers in Hong Kong In Hong Kong families are remaining in the country longer than ever before. We are seeing the children grow up here and become teenagers where before very few families stayed beyond primary education. Carmel School is exploring the possibility of extending to include a Senior High School for ages 14-18. As a community, we have to be ready for the challenges that this will bring. Planning events and activities for this group is already underway. However, Ohel Leah recognises the need to ensure that we have the infrastructure to support the emotional & psychological development of our teens and their families. Identifying possible issues with teenagers and dealing with them early is crucial if we wish to avoid major difficulties later. No matter how religious the school, no matter which country one lives in, the danger lurks. The problem is here, amongst us in Hong Kong. Kids have more free money today, and the urge to push back the barriers is a given in the current youth culture, so they are perfect targets for dealers. Jewish parents may not recognise the signs. Adolescence can mask many of the symptoms. What makes it even more terrifying an issue is that the cannabis and marihuana smoked in the 60s and 70s by those old enough to be parents bears no resemblance to the super strength drugs available today. The cannabis and marihuana, speed and cocaine so freely available in 2007 are leaving a trail of emotional, physical, psychological and spiritual damage. Piercing and tattoos can be easily removed. Emotional and psychological damage is less easy to deal with. More and more medical studies show that there is often a real and significant price to pay for a chemical or alcoholic high. Eating disorders, poor performance at school, and a breakdown in family cohesion are also serious issues that affect not just a young person but the whole family as well. So where does a Jewish parent in Hong Kong go for help? Ohel Leah Synagogue and The Clubhouse, a charity based in the UK but with an international remit, are now working together to establish a network of therapists and professionals in Hong Kong to support families who have concerns about a child. The objective is to reach young people and intervene whilst they remain accessible to help and to enable them to live a satisfying, fulfilling and independent life before their behaviour escalates to a level where they have lost all contact with family, the community or have come to severe harm. Why The Clubhouse? The Clubhouse has years of experiencing bringing help to troubled adolescents and their families, through early intervention and individual client management. They have a team of 90 professionals including, Psychiatrists, psycho-therapists, psychologists, teachers and mentors working in schools or outside the traditional frameworks. The Clubhouse works with adolescents individually or in groups, and with families on a wide range of programmes designed to meet the needs of each client, which has established them as international leaders in this field. The Clubhouse has also established an Israel Programme offering young people, from all over the world, client based services, creating individualized action plans that are realistic, concrete and time bound to bring them back into society. Their support structures, run by English and Hebrew speaking Psychiatrists, psycho-therapists, psychologists and a team of mentors, build a programme around the client, rather than force a client into a programme. The Israel Programme offers a selection of schemes including learning in Yeshiva, Sem, or University, or following a Vocational Training course built around the interests or skills of the client. The Clubhouse has recently linked up with the IDF and has two clients undertaking a special 9 month programme in the Israeli Army. “If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think whatever else you do matters very much”, Jackie Kennedy Onassis The emphasis of the work is to help young people find out “who they are”, or “who they want to be” and how they will get there. Ohel Leah is following The Clubhouse’s approach which does not actively address a client’s level of religious belief or observance but does facilitate change for any client who so requires it. “The most important work you and I will ever do will be within the walls of our own homes”, Harold B Lee Seeing a child meltdown in front of you is a frightening and lonely business. Most parents feel totally alone and helpless. Ohel Leah is ready to assist parents to find help for their children; but, it is up to each and every parent to be brave enough to admit there is an issue to be dealt with and get the support they and their children need today. Tomorrow may be too late.

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